


Invisible

by goingvintage



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 21:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingvintage/pseuds/goingvintage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No way he's coming to Glee next week to be bossed around by 17-year-old Mrs. Rachel Hudson. Puck's reaction to the Finchel engagement and what happens from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invisible

 

Puck sits outside her house for so long that he starts to feel like a stalker in one of those shitty TV movies his ma loves so much. Even though it's dark, the lights are bright inside the Berry house. Their blinds are thrown open and from his vantage point, he can see her two dads moving from the den to the kitchen and back again. They both have wine glasses in their hands and, even from a distance, Puck can tell they're talking nearly nonstop (like always). He doesn't see Rachel anywhere but the golden glow of her bedroom light is illuminating the night so he knows she's home.

_Just go knock,_ he tells himself. It seems like days ago that Rachel announced to the Glee club that she and Finn were getting married. In reality, it's only been about five hours but since then, Puck's pretty sure he's gone through every emotion he has. He's finally settled on pissed and all he wants is five minutes to ask her what in the  _fuck_ she's thinking. All he has to do is get out of his truck.

It's another ten minutes until he finally forces himself out into the February evening. He can see his breath as he tromps through a pile of leftover snow and climbs the steps to the front door. He raps his knuckles against the polished oak before he can stop himself and seconds later, he's staring into the surprised eyes of one of Rachel's dads (the one that kinda looks like that movie star.)

"Noah," he says slowly. "What…what can we help you with?"

"Is she here?" Puck asks, even though he knows the answer.

Hiram nods and pushes the door open wider so that Puck can step inside. He waves at Leroy, who is sipping from his wine glass as he tinkers at the piano, and then starts up the stairs. He's on the fifth step before Hiram's voice carries upward to him. "Finn's up there with her."

Puck skids to a stop, his knuckles gripping the banister. He swears to himself, swallowing hard, and then turns and bounds back down the stairs. When he tries to go back through the door without saying a word, Hiram puts a hand on his chest to stop him. The look in Hiram's eyes makes Puck uncomfortable. "You're leaving? I thought you wanted to see her?"

"Finn's there, too." Puck looks away, his eyes on their immaculately pristine carpet. (Seriously, he thinks they comb it to make sure all the fibers face the exact same direction.) "It can wait. I don't wanna bug them."

Hiram just nods and moves his hand, allowing Puck to pass. He thinks he sees something like recognition in the man's eyes but he brushes it off. He's not transparent. He  _knows_ he's not.

…

He ignores her at school for the next few days but she's so caught up in wedding plans that she doesn't even notice. Nearly every time he turns around, he catches her and Finn making out. The whole sight turns his stomach. Finn's too damn tall for her and he kisses with his mouth wide open, like he's trying to eat the lower half of Rachel's face. Rachel looks like she's practically trying to climb up him because she's clinging to him so tightly. He can hear them slurping at each other from across the hall and he feels like puking. The rage that he's been carrying around for days seems to boil over so he escapes to the gym and spends the next hour beating the punching bag. Even though he wrapped his knuckles first, they still end up bloody.

…

The next night, he drives Becca over to her friend Callie's house and on the way back, he ends up on Rachel's street. He feels like a dumbass but figures maybe he'll finally get a chance to talk to her. All he wants is two minutes to try to talk some sense into her. It's worked before. Thanks to him (okay, him, Kurt, and a shitton of other people at the mall), her perfect Jewish nose is still intact. He figures it'll just take some of his special brand of common sense to make a difference this time, too. But when he slows in front of her house, he sees Rachel climbing into the passenger side of Finn's shitty little car. Puck guns it and takes off before either of them notices he's even there.

…

By the time Saturday rolls around, Puck's in a foul mood. His sister has gone to Nana Connie's for the weekend, mainly to get away from him. His mother's already warned him that if he snarls at her one more time, she's going to bend him over her knee like she did when he was five. "I don't know what your problem is," she growls, "but you better get your attitude fixed pretty damn quick, young man."

He hides out for most of the day and it's not until his room is cast in a pinkish orange hue as the sun sets that he finally turns his phone on. He has a few text messages from Santana telling him he's an asshole (that's a normal thing) and when he sees one from Rachel, his breathing hitches in his throat.

_[Are you made at me, Noah?]_

He stares at the message for the longest time before finally typing back a simple "no" and hitting send. Seconds later, his phone is beeping again.

_[You say that but you haven't spoken to me in days. Did I do something to offend you?]_

Puck lets out a frustrated huff and considers not responding to her at all but he knows that if he doesn't, she'll just keep at him. If Rachel Berry is anything, it's persistent. He quickly types back a short message telling her to leave it alone and then turns off his phone.

After that, he realizes he doesn't feel like doing anything at all. He's peeling his t-shirt over his head and about to strip down to his boxers when his bedroom door opens. He expects to see his bitchy mother but instead, Rachel's standing there, her mouth agape at the fact that he's half-naked. Puck smirks at her but grabs his shirt and puts it back on anyway.

"What're you doing here?" he asks. He makes an exaggerated show of re-zipping his jeans and the simple act makes a pink blush bloom across Rachel's cheeks.

Her eyes are wide. "You told me to leave it alone but I think we both know that me leaving  _anything_ alone is next to impossible. What's wrong, Noah?"

Puck drops down onto his bed and grabs his guitar. He figures that if he messes with the strings a bunch, he won't have to look at her. "Nothing's wrong."

"You haven't spoken to me in days."

"You have bigger stuff going on than worrying about me."

Puck looks up when Rachel places her hand on his leg. Even through his jeans, her hand is warm and he hates the way her touch makes his heart start to race. (It's not the first time.)

"You're upset about the engagement, aren't you?"

The question hangs between them for so long that Rachel finally looks away and starts to study the piles of junk that are all over his dresser. He doesn't know what to tell her because being honest is just going to piss her off but he also doesn't want to lie to her. He shakes his head, smoothing his hand over the strip of hair on his head, and then plunges in. "I'm not upset. I just think it's the stupidest shit I've ever heard."

Rachel seems shocked, which he would find mildly hilarious if he wasn't so fucking annoyed. "You think true love is stupid, Noah?"

Puck lets out a snort and practically sneers at her. "No, I think true love is great when it's real. But what you and Finn have?  _Ain't_ true love. Not by a fucking longshot."

"How dare you! Who are you to tell me what Finn and I share?" Rachel's fists are in tight knots at her side, anger flashing across her face. Her whole face is turning red and he knows her ire is up but she started this shit by bugging him so he really doesn't care. He's wanted to say this stuff to her for a while now.

Puck shoves his guitar aside and stands up, pacing to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between them as possible. "Who am I? I'm only the asshole that's you've run to every fucking time he hurts you. I'm the guy that has to listen to him whine about how you talk too much and how you're too focused on New York when Lima's a good enough town. I'm the guy you've used to cheat on him with. I'm the one that has to watch you become this…" Puck pauses, searching for the right words. "You've become this fucking  _shell_ of the girl you used to be since you've been with him and it's total bullshit. The Rachel Berry I  _used_  to know wanted Broadway so fucking bad that she'd send an innocent exchange student to a crack house if she thought the chick would get in her way.  _This,_ " Puck gestured toward her angrily, "is somebody I don't recognize. It's like you sold your goddamn soul to make Finn love you."

It feels like ages before Rachel finally moves and when she does, it's to slap Puck across the face. He reels back, shocked that she hit him but then she's storming out of his bedroom. He hears the front door slam while he's still rubbing his jaw. For a second, he thinks he should run after her. He didn't even get to the important part. He didn't even get to tell her (beg her) not to marry Finn. But she's so furious that he knows she won't listen so he lets her go.

…

Puck skips school on Monday. Nobody seems to notice. Nobody texts him to check in and he's reminded, for the hundredth time, why he can't wait to get the fuck out of Lima.

…

On Tuesday afternoon, Finn's the first to approach him. School is over for the day and, even though Regionals is right around the corner, Puck's skipping Glee practice. He just can't deal with the bullshit. Rachel's still not talking to him. In fact, he saw her turn around and walk in the other direction when he came out of his Chemistry class earlier. He doesn't blame her for being pissed off because he  _was_ kind of an asshole but he was only telling the truth. She just can't handle it.

He's shoving his Spanish book into his locker and deciding which homework he's actually going to do when Finn ambles up to him, a half-smile on his face.

"Dude, where you been lately? I've barely seen you."

Puck stares into his locker and avoids Finn's eyes. "Been busy. Got shit going on at home."

"Really? Is your mom okay?"

"Yeah." Puck slams his locker closed so hard that Finn flinches.

"You coming to Glee?"

"Nope." Puck shoves his backpack over his shoulder and turns away. Finn doesn't follow after him and ask questions and Puck's relieved.

…

The text messages start 20 minutes later. The first one is short.

_[Noah, you can't miss Glee practice this close to Regionals.]_

Even though he's surprised she bothered to text him a tall, Puck deletes it without responding and throws his phone back down before picking up the game controller again.

Five minutes later, his phone beeps several times in quick succession, signaling more than one message. He pauses the game with a sigh and begins to read.

_[Noah, Finn said that you're having family issues but I know that's not true. I'm still furious at you for the horrible things you said last week but we have to put those things behind us because Regionals is coming up and that's the most important thing. We need you in Glee, Noah, because we're going to win this year and we can't if we're missing part of our team. It's imperative that you're here. I'll see you tomorrow!]_

Puck knows what she says is total shit. It doesn't matter if he's there or not. It's not like he's actually going to have a solo or do anything but stand in the back and sing the chorus. For a second, he admires that Rachel's at least focused on winning, which is  _kind of,_ at least, like the Rachel he used to know. Grabbing his phone, he types back quickly.

_[U still marrying Finn?]_

He shoves his phone under his pillow so that he can play without being interrupted. Two hours later, when his eyes hurt from playing, he turns off the TV and slips his hand beneath the cool sheets to see what Rachel's response is.

There isn't one.

…

He skips Glee for the next two days but it doesn't improve his mood. Mr. Schue tries to hunt him down a couple of times but Puck knows every hiding place there is at McKinley High so he has no trouble evading the guy. Avoiding the rest of the Glee club is harder, though, and by Thursday, Mike has him pinned to wall in the locker room and Sam's threatening to rearrange his face if he doesn't stop missing Glee and fucking up their chances to win at Regionals. He finally relents and agrees to go because he's tired of their bitching.

When he walks into the room, Rachel smiles at him shyly before turning her attention back to Finn. Puck's stomach immediately tightens, his neck feeling tense. He fucking hates this. He's almost sure he hates them. (Well, Finn anyway.)

…

Friday afternoon, he leaves school the second Glee is over. After he takes his sister over to Nana Connie's, he runs a few errands for his mom and ends up on Rachel's street again. Before he can acknowledge that he's even slowing down the truck, he's already pulled over to the curb and he's staring up at her bedroom window. She has the blinds open and he can see her moving around. She's talking on her phone, her arms waving animatedly around the whole time. He leans into the seat and smiles as he watches her because she's just so… sweet. He hates even using such a pussy word because the chicks he's normally into are hot or sexy or smokin'. But Rachel's always been different and he thinks that's why he's so pissed. She's always believed in him and made him feel like he could do anything he wanted (including applying to a few schools in New York without telling anyone.) The problem is that somewhere along the way, she stopped believing in herself. He feels like he has to try to help her get that back.

He's out of the truck and knocking on the door before his nerve can falter and this time, Leroy answers. Hiram is standing nearby, though, in an apron that says "Mr. Good Lookin' is Cookin'" in bold, red letters.

"Finn's not here," Hiram tells him as soon as he sees Puck.

"Can I go up?"

Hiram nods slowly and then Leroy asks, "You don't think she should marry Finn, do you?"

Puck shakes his head no and then heads up the stairs. When he's near the top, he hears Leroy ask, "Why couldn't she fall for  _him_ instead? He has some sense, at least, which is more than I can say for the Pillsbury Doughboy she's in love with."

Puck sucks in a breath as he pushes open Rachel's door without knocking. She's still on her phone but as soon as she sees him, her eyes widen and she says, "Finn, we'll talk about the guest list later. I've got to go….Okay… I love you, too. Bye!"

Rachel's tense from the moment she levels her gaze on him and Puck can tell she's already spoiling for a fight. He holds up his hands in surrender as he shakes his head. "I'm not here to start shit."

"Good," Rachel says tightly, "because I don't want to listen to it. If you can't be supportive, you should just go ahead and go."

"I can't be supportive…but I'm not leaving. Not until you listen to what I have to say."

Rachel lets out a tired sigh. "I don't need you to insult me further, Noah. You've already done enough of that."

"I'm not gonna insult you. I just… _fuck_ , Rachel. What are you thinking? Why are you doing this?"

Rachel's eyes dart away for a long time before she finally looks at him again. "Why do you care so much, Noah?"

Puck knows this would be the perfect time to tell the truth. It would be so easy to tell her all the things running through his mind.  _Because you're throwing your fucking life away before it even begins and you're going to regret it. Because he doesn't even know how to love a girl like you. Because I want a chance with you. Because I could be by your side and still let chase your dreams without tying you down. Because I've tried to ignore how I feel about you for two years but I can't anymore and it's fucking killing me inside._ He finally settles on, "Because you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You're scared, Rachel, and for some reason, you think that becoming Mrs. Finn Fucking Hudson is going to give you some form of security but it's not. Rachel, it's  _not._ Whether you're married or single, you're still gonna be terrified in New York. You're still gonna have the same bullshit to deal with at school and the same bitches who'll be ruthless as hell to try to beat you out for the lead and shit. The only thing marrying him will do is anchor you down before you're even ever had a chance to reach the top."

"That's not true." When Rachel responds, he can hear the quiver in her voice. He knows confident Rachel and  _this_ isn't her. "That's not true at all. Finn will be a huge support system to me. As my husband, we'll be able to face the world  _together_  and we'll be so much stronger because of it."

"You're fucking  _seventeen_ years old, Rachel!" Puck's voice is louder than he meant it to be but he's got so much fire inside him. The words he wants to say seem to be eating at him but he can't let them out. He  _won't._ "This isn't a third-world country and you don't  _have_ to get married.  _Fuck."_ He drops his hands to hips and stares over her head out the window. "When did you get so stupid?"

"Leave, Noah. I'm tired of this. You're never going to see my side of it and, no matter how hard you try, I'm not going to see yours either. Finn and I love one another. We're  _everything_ to each other. Whether we get married now or in ten years, that's not going to change so save your breath. I want you to be happy for me because you're my friend but if you can't be, I'm not going to fret over it. My decision is made. Don't bother coming to the wedding."

Puck doesn't say anything for the longest time. His wheels are spinning, though, and he's trying to figure out what to say to get through to her. He'd love to grab her by the shoulders and shake her until all the stupid comes loose and the strong, cutthroat girl he used to know reemerges. He  _knows_ she's still in there somewhere. She has to be. But as he looks around her room, he sees pictures of her and Finn everywhere. On the mirror. On her dresser. By her bed. As the wallpaper on her laptop. That's when he realizes that he's not going to get through to her. He's not sure there  _is_ any getting through to her.

He leaves her room without saying anything else. He hears her following behind him but ignores her when she calls his name. He storms past her fathers without saying anything to them, either, and vows that he's never coming back to Rachel's house.

…

Monday is quiet. Puck goes to all his classes but doesn't spend too much time bullshitting with anybody. When he gets to Glee, he instantly sees that Rachel is nervous. She's bouncing from one side of the room to the other, grabbing sheet music, talking to Finn, trying to get Brad to agree to a key change, and constantly fiddling with the engagement ring on her finger. As soon as Schue comes in, Rachel demands everyone's attention and announces that she and Finn have moved up the wedding date: they're getting married right after Regionals on Saturday. The club reaction is basically a loud chorus of "what the hell?" While most of them are yelling about not rushing into things, Puck's busy packing up his backpack and guitar. Her little announcement is all it takes to make his decision for him. He's  _done_. He'll be damned if he's coming to Glee next week to be bossed around by 17-year-old Mrs. Rachel Hudson.

While everyone is still staring at each other stupidly and Rachel and Finn are once again doing that disgusting kissing thing where they swallow each other's faces, Puck throws his backpack over his shoulder. On the way out the door, he says, "Hey, Schue? I quit." Then he hauls ass to his truck, turns off his phone, and hides out the rest of the night to avoid the backlash, at least temporarily.

As expected, everybody freaks out when they realize he's serious. He tells them that it doesn't matter because even without him, they still have 12 members so he really doesn't care. Santana threatens to cut off his balls and use them to decorate her rear view mirror if he doesn't come back but he tells her to go fuck herself. He's over all of that stupid shit. It's not like they'll miss him because they like him or anything. No, they're just worried about their stupid fucking chances of winning regionals. As usual, it's not actually about him at all but about  _them._ Well, fuck that; he's not going to Regionals, he sure as fuck isn't going to Finn and Rachel's wedding, and he doesn't care if he talks to any of them again. He's so tired of Lima. He's tired of never being good enough to be the lead, or the boyfriend, or even being noticed as the guy who does things for other people (and he has a big fucking list of things he's done for other people in Glee club without anything in return.) He's tired of being invisible. Nobody ever sees who he really is and those that occasionally do get a glimpse of the other parts of him (like Rachel) don't care enough to dig any deeper. He's been dumped by everyone who has ever mattered to him (his dad, Santana, Rachel, Lauren, Quinn, Shelby) so he figures it's time he does some dumping of his own. He expects it to feel better than it actually does.

…

A week later, he hears through the gossip mill that Finn and Rachel's wedding was postponed because her dad, Leroy, had a heart attack right before the ceremony. Puck knows immediately that it's bullshit because that guy is really fucking healthy. He's gotta give the man props for pulling such a huge stunt to stop that farce of a wedding. But even though he knows it's it didn't happen, it doesn't take away the hurt of it all. At least he knows that Rachel hasn't fucked herself over completely, though. Not yet, anyway.

…

Puck gets through the rest of senior year on autopilot. He starts hanging out with the jocks again and the majority of his former friends in Glee steer clear of him. He catches Mike and Sam giving him sad, pathetic looks every once in a while but he ignores them both. The worst part, though, is that sometimes, he'll be sitting at lunch and he'll catch Rachel looking in his direction. It's in those moments that everything starts hurting. His chest, his throat, his stomach, his head – it all hurts. He'll usually lock eyes with her but as soon as he does, she drops her gaze away, loops her arm through Finn's, and lays her head on his shoulder. It feels like a slap in the face every single time it happens, too. He misses her. He misses  _all_ of them, really, but he misses her the most. Even still, he refuses to go back. He's put in enough time the last three years staring at the back of Rachel Berry's head while she made moon eyes at Finn. He's let himself be walked on for years by everybody he cares about (especially her) and he won't do it anymore.

It's those last three months of senior year that teach him an important message: sticking to his principles sometimes hurts.

…

On graduation day, he's eager to get his diploma. He has a summer job working for his uncle's construction company in Cleveland and then he's heading off to New York City. He's decided to live there for a year and get a job before he starts taking classes at the City College of New York.

Puck watches Rachel walk across the stage to get her diploma and he smiles. She's beaming and he can her fathers whooping their support from somewhere in the audience. She does a little happy spin before she steps off the stage and Puck's struck with the fact that, even though he hasn't spoken to her in months, he still cares about her (a lot.) He figures part of him always will but he knows there's nothing he can do about it.

He gets his own diploma in hand with little fanfare and a while later, the caps are thrown and then graduation is over. He makes a beeline for the parking lot because he doesn't want to run into anybody from the Glee club but as he steps around a very short, round woman, he nearly runs into Hiram and Leroy Berry. The older men grin at Puck and Hiram grips his arm. "Noah, congratulations. We haven't seen you around in a while."

Puck shifts uncomfortably, his eyes darting around. Rachel's nowhere in sight so he relaxes a little bit, nodding at the two men. "Yeah, I've been… I don't really have a reason to come around much anymore."

"That's a shame," Hiram says. "I know Rachel's missed you." Puck lets out an incredulous snort but Hiram shakes his head. "No no, she has. She told us what you said and how you quit Glee club. I have to say, son, that it's admirable what you did. I'm not going to pretend that I don't know what your motives were because it's obvious to both Leroy and I that you have deep feelings for her."

Puck swallows, his chest tight, and looks away. "It doesn't matter how I feel."

"Ahh, but it does. Rachel's been so blinded by that… that gargantuan, fleshy fool that she's completely unaware of everything else around her. We stopped the wedding but as of right now, they're still engaged. It's going to be a long-distance engagement, of course, because Finn's not going to join her in Manhattan until next January at least. He has things to take care of here for Burt first. Something about learning a trade before he goes to New York so that he'll have something to do. I don't know. Carole told me but I wasn't actually paying attention because her split ends are distracting."

Puck perks up at the news about Finn staying behind in Lima. "Oh yeah?"

Hiram nods. "And your mother says you're going to arrive in Manhattan in August, yes?"

"Yeah," Puck admits. "That's the plan anyway."

The look on Hiram's face strikes Puck as odd. Next to him, Leroy grins broadly. "It's never too late, you know."

Puck sees Rachel coming, her fingers intertwined with Finn's. She's gazing up at him adoringly but Finn seems not to notice. Puck looks back at her dads and shakes his head sadly. "Yeah, it is."

He nods curtly to both of them and then turns away, disappearing into the crowd just as Rachel and Finn are approaching. His chest physically hurts by the time he makes it to his truck. When he slides into the cool cab, he tosses his diploma into the seat next to him and closes his eyes. He just wants to get out of town.

…

Cleveland is great. He makes a lot of money that he's desperately going to need once he gets to New York and there's no shortage of girls willing to give him head. All in all, it's a perfect summer.

He goes back home to Lima just long enough to appease his ma. He only stays five days before he's loading his suitcase, guitar, and a cooler full of food into his the bed of his truck. His ma cries the whole time he's packing and he has to promise to call her at least once a day to get her to calm down. After he kisses her on her forehead and assures her (once again) that he'll be safe, he climbs into his truck. The engine hesitates and he almost freaks out because if he doesn't get the  _fuck_  out of Lima in the next five minutes, he's going to lose it. Finally, the engine catches and rumbles to life. With one last wave out the window, he's pulls out of the driveway and then he's gone.

* * *

Puck's apartment is a total dump. It's on a street in Brooklyn that looks more like an alley and it's built onto the back of an old warehouse. He has to climb a steep set of stairs that creak and groan under his weight to get there. The other two apartments down the hall are empty so when the warehouse workers have gone home, Puck's totally alone in the building. It's kind of a freaky feeling to be so alone when he's on the edge of the biggest city in the country. Plus, the whole apartment is about the size of his bedroom back in Lima and there's evidence of cockroaches and rats that makes his skin crawl. He learns really fast what it means to scrub surfaces until they shine. It takes him two days to actually feel like the place is clean enough to live in. He reminds himself that it's the cheapest thing he could find that wasn't in the middle of gang territory. It only takes one quick train ride into Manhattan to remind him that living in a shithole is totally worth it.

He  _loves_ New York. He loved it when he came with the Glee club during his junior year and knowing that he can call it "home" now is overwhelming. He knows he has to find a job but he spends a few days doing all the touristy bullshit that he didn't get to do last time. (He avoids Broadway, though.)

…

After two weeks, Puck finds a job as a waiter. If he works 50 hours a week and charms the shit out of all his female customers for tips, he might make enough to keep a roof over his head and the lights on. He knows he better get used to eating Ramen noodles, though, because his pay isn't going to cover groceries. He hopes that he can take leftovers home from the diner because that'll help. And he figures that maybe by the time his savings runs out and his pay isn't cutting it anymore, he'll have found something better. Plus, the diner is just two blocks from his apartment so he can walk.

All in all, New York is pretty awesome.

…

He doesn't think about Rachel until the leaves start turning shades of gold and red so vivid that they look like they popped out of one of those paintings he used to roll his eyes at in art history class. Rachel always loved the season and he remembers her going on and on about how autumn in Central Park is the most beautiful time to experience New York. He hasn't thought about her in a long time and when he does, all the old pain comes back, forcing him to remember why he pushed her out of his mind in the first place. He talks to his ma daily but he never asks about Rachel or Finn or anybody from home. He knows that Rachel and Kurt are at NYADA now. She's only a few miles away. For a minute, he wants to kick his own ass. Why the fuck did he move to the same city that she's in anyway? He's quick to remind himself that the population of the New York metro area is bigger than some states and that there's almost no chance he's ever going to run into her.

…

Puck runs into Kurt instead.

His sister calls right before Thanksgiving and demands that he brings her home a particular scarf that's only sold at Macy's so he trudges through the crowds on a Wednesday afternoon to find the damn thing. It takes him nearly 30 minutes to find it in the store and before he can check out, he nearly collides with someone carrying six different bags. When he looks into the eyes of Kurt Hummel, he swears loudly. Just his fucking luck.

Kurt seems as shocked as he is. They pick up the scattered bags in silence and the whole time, Puck is hoping to escape without a word. He's not that lucky, though, because once Kurt has everything in his hands again, he gives Puck a stern look. "Puckerman, didn't expect to see you  _here,_ of all places. Are you visiting?"

Puck doesn't really want to tell Kurt  _anything_ so when "I live in Brooklyn" slips out of his mouth, he immediately regrets it.

Kurt's eyebrows tick up and an amused look crosses his features. "Have you been here long?"

Puck glances away, hoping to look up and see that one of the mannequins has burst into flame or, if he's lucky enough, maybe he can spot someone having a stroke. Anything _,_ really, would give him an easy escape and would be better than having a conversation with the best friend and step-brother of the two people in the world he hates the most. (Well, Finn anyway.) When it becomes apparent that he's stuck, he mumbles, "Got here in August."

Kurt seems positively interested in this information, raising up on the balls of his feet and grinning at Puck. "You should walk around the store with me for a few minutes to, you know, catch up?"

Puck blinks at Kurt before finally nodding. Yeah, okay, it's nice to talk to someone. He  _has_  been kind of lonely. He lives at the back of an empty warehouse, for fuck's sake.

…

One meeting with Kurt turns into another and by the time the January snow is blowing through the Manhattan streets, Puck is used to hanging out with Kurt. They always meet at some neutral place, usually to grab a bite to eat or some coffee. They talk about Manhattan. Kurt talks about school. Puck talks about getting a new job and his plan to apply to City College soon. They  _never_ talk about Lima, what happened senior year, or Finn and Rachel. It's nice to have a friend in the city. It feels weird to admit that Kurt Hummel is his go-to guy but at least he has  _someone._

…

Apparently, Puck becomes Kurt's go-to guy, too, because in early February, he gets a phone call at nearly midnight. Puck's passed out in his narrow bed thanks to a migraine that kept him home most of the day, but his ringing phone jars him awake.

"Puck, can you come help us?" Kurt's voice is frantic, more shrill than normal, and Puck can hear Rachel in the background. She sounds like she's crying.

He doesn't ask too many questions, just gets the address of where he needs to be as he's slipping on his pants and shoes. Later, he'll blame the fact that he even went at all on the fact that he was groggy.

…

He ends up on the NYADA campus at some weird-looking building. There are people spilling out of it and it's obvious that a wild party is going on. Puck texts Kurt once he's there to ask where he is and once Kurt responds that he's in the second floor bathroom, he finds his way there. He raps on the door and it's opened fast, a very relieved Kurt standing on the other side.

"Oh, thank  _God,_ " Kurt wheezes, "if I had to deal with her on my own for even one more second, there was going to be hell to pay." Puck eyes move in the direction Kurt's pointing and he sees Rachel curled up on the floor, clutching a towel and crying into it. Even though the room is dim, he sees her engagement ring glint and he nearly swears, immediately regretting answering his fucking phone. He gives Kurt a withering look and Kurt shrugs. "She's one of those sappy drunks tonight. I made the mistake of telling her that you were here in the city and then she started crying. She said she wasn't going to come out of this godforsaken bathroom until she saw you."

Puck looks back down at Rachel and she's staring at him, tears still leaking from her eyes. She bleats out a small, "Hello, Noah," and all he can do is nod. What the hell's he supposed to say to the chick he hasn't spoken to in nearly a year?

"Can you help me get her back to her dorm? I promise that I wouldn't have called you if I wasn't absolutely desperate."

Kurt's relief is evident when Puck bends down and hooks his arms around Rachel's waist and under her knees, effortlessly picking her up. She wraps her arms around his neck as follows Kurt out of the bathroom, down the crowded hall, down the steps, and out the door. Rachel sniffles against him the entire time but Puck knows she's so drunk that she probably won't remember any of this in the morning.

They're nearly to the dorm when Rachel murmurs, "I missed you, Noah."

He doesn't say anything, just keeps walking, until she whacks him on the back of his head. "Ouch!" he yells. "The fuck was that for?"

"You're ignoring me," Rachel whines. "I'm so sick of you ignoring me."

"Yeah, well, it's not been a piece of cake for me, either."

Kurt tosses a look over his shoulder that Puck can't read. He's relieved as fuck, though, when they get to Rachel's dorm. She's now half-asleep and no longer talking. Kurt quickly lets them into her room and Puck drops her onto her bed. He's halfway back out the door before he hears Kurt thank him. Puck just nods and keeps moving.

…

Seeing Rachel means he starts thinking about her again. He spends the next few days basically pissed off the whole time. Everything comes back to him – the duet he sang with Rachel to help make Finn jealous, how  _he_ planned the date Finn took Rachel on to win her back when they were in New York City, how Puck was supportive (even if he felt like he was being stabbed in the gut) when Finn told him that he and Rachel were about to have sex. By the time Thursday rolls around, Puck's furious that Rachel's back in his life at all. He's ignored two of Kurt's calls because he just can't talk to the guy right now. He knows he'll want to talk about Rachel and Puck's not ready to talk about her.

Thursday afternoon, he gets off work early and heads home to wash off the grease that seems to float in the atmosphere of the diner. When he gets out of the shower, he hears someone pounding on the door. He's quick to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt before tugging the door open but regrets it when he sees Rachel standing there.

Her eyes are downcast. He lets out a sigh because the  _one_  thing he's not ready for? This _._

"What do you want, Rachel?" His voice is sour and he knows it.

Her head shoots up. "Do you have to be so rude?"

"I didn't invite you." He crosses his arms and glares at her.

She glares back. "I know that. I wanted to apologize. Can I at least come in?"

The last thing he wants to do is let her inside his apartment but she really doesn't leave him much choice. He steps back so she can come in and then she flounces around, her eyes appraising his small place. He's immediately on the defensive because, look, he  _knows_ it's a crappy apartment.

Thankfully, though, she skips her assessment of his home and turns to scowl at him. "I'm sorry about the other night. I didn't know Kurt called you and I apologize for ruining your evening." She looks away, her fingers twirling the engagement ring. "I know I'm not exactly on the top of your list of favorite people."

Puck snorts at her comment and walks around her and into the corner of his apartment that's he's designated as the living room. He drops down onto the loveseat and props his feet up on the end table he uses to eat his dinners on. Rachel watches him for a few seconds before walking over and carefully sitting down on the folding chair across from him. They stare at each other until Rachel finally sighs and asks, "Are you going to say anything, Noah?"

"Nothin' to say," he answers honestly. "You were drunk, Kurt didn't know what to do so he called me and I took care of it. Sounds pretty much like every other time you ever needed me. Nothing left to say."

Rachel's face falls. "I know you don't think highly of me."

"You don't know anything about what I think, Rachel." Puck scrubs his hand over his face and huffs a sigh into his palm before meeting her eyes. "Can we cut with the bullshit, please? I get that you came here to apologize. I'll accept your apology if that'll make you happy."

Rachel's chewing on her lower lip, her eyes wide and watery. "It's true, though."

"What is?"

"That I missed you – miss you." She looks away, like she's ashamed of the admission. Puck doesn't know how to feel. He misses her, too, when he allows himself to think about her. He doesn't know how he can hate someone as much as he hates her and still miss her at the same time. "Everything's so weird here," she continues. "Don't get me wrong, I love it. I just thought it would be different." She glances down at her ring and says softly, "I thought Finn would be here by now."

Her simple statement leads to about a million questions that he  _could_ ask but he's not because he's played this game before. He's not going to be her shoulder to cry on over fucking  _Finn_  when he hasn't even talked to her in a year. He knows that if he wants the whole scoop, he'll get it from Kurt. But the point is, he doesn't  _want_ to know.

Rachel looks up after a moment and asks, "You wouldn't want to go for coffee somewhere, would you?"

She looks hopeful and it hurts him to say no but that's what he says anyway. She's quick to excuse herself after that, walking rapidly toward his door. She turns before she leaves and says, "Again, I'm sorry. It was nice to see you again, Noah. Take care."

He thinks he hears a catch in her words, like she's about to cry, but he shuts the door before he can find out.

…

"You know, she just wants to be your friend again."

Kurt swirls his latte around in the cup before blowing into it. Across the table from him, Puck takes a drink from his own cup, the acrid bite of the black coffee giving him a jolt as he contemplates Kurt's words.

"I don't know if it's that easy."

Huffing, Kurt rolls his eyes. "You're so dramatic, Puckerman. It's not like she murdered someone. I mean really, what  _did_ she do?" Kurt taps on the side of his cup. "Actually, what did we  _all_ do? You just walked out one day. Not a word as to why. You were just done."

Puck shrugs. He's not going into details with Kurt about what happened last year. He did what he had to do and that's all there is to it. He takes a slow sip of his coffee, hoping to prolong what he knows is going to be an uncomfortable conversation. "I just needed space, dude. Glee wasn't for me anymore."

"That's crap and you know it. You loved Glee club."

"But not all the drama," Puck says. "That shit got tiring. It turned into the fucking Finchel show there at the end. Just couldn't do it anymore, man, that's all." He reclines in his chair and acts as casual as he can, despite the fact that he knows he's setting himself up for Kurt to pounce.

Kurt cackles and shakes his head. "He's a moron."

Puck ticks up his brow. "He?"

"Finn, I mean." Kurt leans forward and lowers his voice as if he's about to spill juicy gossip. "He was supposed to move out here in January and get an apartment. He's put Rachel off several times now, though, because he says he still has stuff to do for Dad. It's a total load of crap. There's nothing at Dad's shop that's so imperative that Finn can't leave. I think he's just scared of coming out here."

Puck doesn't really know how to respond so he doesn't say anything. Kurt doesn't seem to care because he keeps talking. "Every single time he postpones moving, Rachel becomes a little less dramatic about it all. I'm pretty sure their obsession with one another is starting to wear off."

"Why are you telling me this?" Puck needs to know because he doesn't care about Finn and Rachel and their fucked up co-dependency.

"Because, you idiot, she misses you. She freaked out when I told her you were here. She wants you back in her life."

Puck lets out a drawn out sigh but doesn't say anything. He sees Kurt shake his head and then his friend smiles. "Puck, you don't have to hide any of this. I know you love her."

"What?" Puck's swift to get defensive. "I don't love her."

Kurt lets out such a loud snort that the people at the next table turn to stare at him. Kurt ignores them, of course, because he's too focused on Puck, a thrilled look on his face. "Oh,  _puhleeease_ , Puckerman. The only thing that would make you do what you did last year was a broken heart. It's actually kind of sweet, and a total romantic gesture in a tragic, star-crossed lovers kind of way."

"Are we done here?" Puck begins to stand up. He's not listening to this shit.

Kurt reaches out and puts a hand on his arm. "She doesn't know, if that's what you're worried about. She still has no idea why you walked away. All she knows is that she wants to be around you again. Just have coffee with her, Puck. Please?"

He hates that sad, dopey look Kurt has on his face. It's hard to say no to someone pouting like a puppy.

…

Meeting Rachel is just as awkward as he expects it to be. They decide to get together at a bakery near the NYADA campus and Rachel's sitting there in a navy coat with polka dots on it, a huge orange scone on a frilly paper doily in front of her. He just buys a bottle of water and sits down across from her. She picks at the scone for the longest time, finally digging out a walnut and popping it into her mouth. That makes Puck smile and when he smiles, Rachel is fast to return it.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet me, Noah."

"Yeah." Puck doesn't know what to say. He wishes it wasn't so hard to talk to her but things from last year just feel so unfinished, even though he finished them when he walked away. Having Rachel around means that everything feels raw all over again.

Rachel lifts her eyes and he can feel her studying him. "You look good."

"Thanks. So do you." She really does. Her hair is longer and she's finally letting those stupid bangs that hide her eyes grow back out. They're swept to the side and her cheeks are rosy. She's always been pretty and this moment is no exception.

"How's Brooklyn? I mean, do you like it there?"

Puck pokes at the label on his water bottle to avoid looking at her. "The apartment is okay. I can afford and stuff but do I like it? Yeah. Brooklyn's cool. Hell, just living here is cool."

Rachel beams at that. "I  _know._ I love the city so much. It's just…" Her voice grows wistful. "It's so vibrant and full of life. There's always something to do or see or hear and the people are just so interesting. This city… it's home."

Puck nods at her. "I always knew it would be for you. You belong here. You always have."

Rachel dips her head and he sees her lashes fan out over her cheeks when she blinks. "I think I tried to tell myself for a while that I'd be okay if I didn't make it here but I know that was a lie."

They're treading on dangerous ground here. Puck doesn't want to jump into a discussion about Finn and their relationship so he's quick to change the subject and ask her about school. Rachel is animated and happy as she talks about her classes at NYADA and how much she loves the challenge of it all. Puck finds himself relaxing in his chair the more she talks because it's so easy to be enraptured by her. He always has been. He finds her quirky obsessions and her determination sexy and on this day in the coffee shop, those traits are fully on display.

When her scone is gone and his water bottle is empty, they both begin their awkward goodbyes. As Puck stands up, Rachel quickly leans over and kisses him on the cheek before telling him that she'll call him. Then she's out the door like a little polka-dotted tornado.

...

He doesn't  _mean_ to let her back into his life. Really, it's the last thing he wants. That doesn't stop her from calling him and pushing him into going out to dinner with her and Kurt on Friday night. Puck's supposed to work but he calls the diner and switches shifts with one of the waitresses. He tells himself that going into Manhattan to actually do something with friends will be fun.

…

They have a great time at dinner. It's so easy to forget all the past baggage and bullshit when Rachel's laughing, her eyes sparkling. After they eat, Kurt demands they all go to Times Square and Puck doesn't have any trouble agreeing to go along. It's fun, really. Ever since he stopped tossing Kurt into dumpsters all those years ago, he's learned to like the guy. He's really chill. And being around Rachel again feels right. When she loops her arm through his and grins up at him, Puck almost forgets everything that made him walk away in the first place.

_Almost._

…

February gives way to March and a huge snow storm dumps nearly a foot and a half of snow on the metro area. The entire city grinds to a halt because there's nowhere to  _put_ all that snow unless they start shoving it into the Hudson River. Puck hides out in his apartment when he's not working because they don't bother to shovel the sidewalks where he lives and he's not breaking his neck. But on a Tuesday night, Rachel calls and asks him if he wants to go to an open mic event with him. He doesn't actually want to have to change out of his sweatpants or put on shoes but he agrees, against his better judgment, and ends up meeting her at tiny little bar near downtown. He expects to see Kurt, too, but Rachel tells him that Kurt has a cold and he's too sick to leave his room so it's just the two of them.

He finds a table for them near the back and ignores how tight his chest feels at the prospect of being alone with her. Hanging out when Kurt's around is safe but when it's just the two of them, there always seems to be this…spark. It's been there since he was fifteen years old and it's still there, despite everything. He knows it's just because he's so damned attracted to her and always has been.

As soon as he drops into a chair, Rachel's signing up to sign about four different songs. Even though she practically begs him, he refuses to sing. "I'm just here for support," he tells her with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Rachel is amazing, of course. He forgot how much he missed her voice. It's been over a year since he's heard her sing and he's pretty sure she's gotten even better. She gets a standing ovation and when she curtsies, she catches his eye and waggles her fingers at him. His heart flips in his chest and it's then that he knows he's fucked all over again.

The audience demands an encore which Rachel happily gives them. She finally sits down, her skin dewy from the intense stage lights, and Puck can't help but stare at her. She's just so fucking  _pretty._ She seems to feel his eyes on her and she tucks her chin against her chest shyly until he realizes what he's doing and looks away. He feels like an idiot and tries his best not to look at her for the rest of the night.

At nearly midnight, he finally drags her out into the freezing, snowy night. She's loud and boisterous as they walk toward the subway and he can't help but join in when she breaks into a chorus of "Somebody to Love." Her happiness is infectious, dammit.

When they get back to the NYADA campus, he tries to leave her at her door but she refuses to let him go. "It's too late for you to go back to Brooklyn on the subway, Noah. You can sleep on my floor! I'm sure my roommate won't mind and even if she does, I don't care because she's kind of a bitch."

Puck's sure her roommate  _will_ mind but he dutifully follows her up to her room. She lets them in and practically tiptoes since the room is so dark. He's careful not to make a sound and when Rachel silently hands him a pillow and blanket, he takes it and makes up a bed in one corner of the room. He can hear fabric rustling and he imagines that Rachel is changing into her pajamas. The thought of her naked just a few feet away makes him hard and then he groans into the pillow, cursing himself for even agreeing to come up to her room in the first place.

The scent of her perfume swirls around him as she folds her clothes and then organizes her blankets. She whispers goodnight to him and he whispers back but never really falls asleep. There's too much on his mind.

…

They start having pizza and movie nights. When he's off from the diner and she's caught up on her homework, she'll bring the pizzas and he picks out the movie since her taste in movies sucks. Kurt's never invited but he doesn't seem to mind.

Being with Rachel is just so easy. She makes herself at home inside his tiny apartment, rearranging things, cleaning, and just putting her stamp of approval on everything. It's ridiculous how much he starts looking forward to the nights when they just hang out. As much as they talk about every possible subject, she rarely mentions Finn and when she does, she usually blushes and quickly changes the subject. She obviously knows that Finn isn't a topic he wants to hear about and he appreciates the fact that she seems to keep her obsession with her boyfriend to a minimum when he's around. It's honestly easy to forget Finn exists, most of the time, because he doesn't impact the friendship that Puck and Rachel have at all.

…

That all changes when Rachel announces to both Kurt and Puck over lunch that Finn is coming to see her in mid-April. She's so giddy that Puck  _almost_ doesn't mind. But then she starts talking about how they're going to look for apartments because he's ready to finally move out there for good and Puck's mood takes a quick nosedive south after that.

For the rest of the time they're together, he picks at his food and only answers questions with grunts. He can feel Kurt's eyes on him and when he looks up, the knowing look on Kurt's face makes Puck wish he could find a dumpster to toss the guy in.

…

Finn shows up on a Wednesday during the second week of April. Puck arranges tons of overtime at the diner so that he has an excuse not to hang out with them but as it turns out, he doesn't have anything to worry about anyway because Rachel barely calls the entire time Finn's in town. All his old, bitter feelings left over from high school come rushing back and by the time Rachel calls a week later, Puck's not in the mood to hear a damn word of it.

"Do you want to do pizza and a movie tomorrow?"

"No," Puck says quickly. "I have to work."

"Friday then?"

"Can't."

"Oh. Okay." Rachel sounds disappointed on the other end of the phone but Puck can't help it. He knows it's stupid to be jealous because it gets him nowhere (and it never has) but he is, nonetheless.

He ends the call just a second later and doesn't hear from Rachel again for two days.

…

She shows up at his apartment on Friday night. He's not doing anything but sitting around, messing with his guitar, and he seems surprised to see her. He lets her in without saying anything and as soon as he closes the door, she starts crying. Puck freezes, unsure of what to do. She vaults herself at him and presses her face against his chest.

Timidly, he puts his arms around her and shushes her before asking, "Rach? What's wrong?"

Rachel sniffles against his chest and mumbles something that he can't understand because she has a mouth full of flannel. She finally tilts her head backwards and says, "Finn's not coming."

"I thought he just left?"

She shakes her head. "No, I mean he's not moving here. He's decided that he can't afford a place and he said that we're just going to have to do the long distance thing because he doesn't want to live here. He says he  _hates_ New York City. Noah, how does anyone hate New York?"

Puck does  _not_ want to talk about Finn. He tenses immediately and puts his hands on Rachel's shoulders, pushing her away from his body enough that he can step back. Her lower lip trembles as she wipes at her eyes but she watches as he moves around his apartment, seemingly unaware that he's annoyed.

"He just doesn't understand, Noah. He doesn't get that my life is here. I can't go back to Lima. I  _won't_ go back to Lima. This city is my home and I'm never leaving. He can't have me and not live here!" She's pacing from his kitchenette to his loveseat and back again, her arms flailing animatedly. "And now he's surprised that I'm upset. I don't understand him!"

She moves toward Puck, like she's going to hug him again, but he puts his hands on her shoulders to stop her. She bites her lip as she looks up at him, confused.

He knows she's upset and that this probably isn't the right time but he can't stop himself from saying what he's about to say. "I can't listen to this, Rachel."

"What? You can't listen to what?"

Puck stomps away from her and leans against his front door. "I can't listen to you cry about Finn. Because we both know what'll happen next, don't we?"

Her cheeks color while she shakes her head but he knows that she's lying to him and probably to herself. "I don't know what you mean, Noah."

"Bullshit." Puck swipes a hand over his face. "You come crying to me about Finn, I try to make you feel better, we end up making out or you find some other way to use me to your advantage and then, two days later, you forgive him. I'm  _not_ doing this again. I've done it too many fucking times already."

"That's not true," Rachel argues. "That's not true at all! It's only happened…" Her words trail off as though she's taking a sobering stroll down memory lane.

Puck shakes his head and paces toward her. "I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not the guy you can cry to about your stupid fucking relationship with an asshole that's never, not even for one goddamn second, deserved you. I put up with it in high school until I couldn't fucking take it anymore and I'll be damned if it's gonna happen here. I let you shit all over me then but things are different now." He lets out a soft swear and scratches the back of his neck, his anger rising. "I fucking knew better than to try to be friends with you again."

When he looks up, Rachel's crying harder. She gulps in a heavy breath and wrings her hands. "You don't want to be friends?"

Puck's chest feels like the air is being sucked right out of his lungs. If he tells her the truth, he's going to push her out of his life and then he'll have to fucking get over her all over again. But the truth is, as long as she's in that stupid, poisonous relationship with Finn, he doesn't want to be her friend. When he answers her, he makes sure to avoid her eyes. "I can't be friends with you, Rachel. I can't do it."

"I don't understand." Her voice is so small and she's crying in earnest now. Her tears are sliding down her cheeks and she swipes at them but they just keep coming as she stares at him.

Puck lets out a sad laugh and shakes his head. "Yeah, you do. If you think about it –  _really_ think about it – you'll understand."

They stare at each other for what feels like an hour but is probably only 30 seconds before she buttons up her jacket and wipes at the tears on her cheeks again. She doesn't say anything as she leaves his apartment and all he can do is watch her go.

…

Against his better judgment, he lets Kurt come over a few days later. He comes bearing a box of glazed doughnuts from Puck's favorite bakery. They're big and thick and really yeasty and they have the perfect amount of glaze on them and seriously, he feels like they're having sex with his mouth every time he takes a bite. He knows that Kurt brings them to suck up but he's so desperate to get one in his mouth as soon as possible that he doesn't care.

While Kurt is making himself at home, Puck's already scarfing down a doughnut, a look of ecstasy on his face. Kurt watches him, clearly disgusted, before picking at some imaginary lint on his sweater. "So can we talk about Rachel?"

"I don't wanna talk about Rachel."

The words that actually come out of Puck's mouth are much less intelligible and bits of doughnut go flying as he tries to talk with his mouth full. Kurt screws up his face and shakes his head. "You're such a charmer, Puckerman. It's shocking to me that you're still single."

Puck flips him the finger as he swallows the rest of his first doughnut and dives into the box for a second one. He's trying to prolong this discussion for as long as possible but Kurt's not having it.

"So… Rachel said you don't want to be friends with her anymore. Do you care to tell me why my best friend has been a crying mess for three days?"

Puck plops down on the loveseat and stares at his friend. "She's crying over Finn, not me."

"No, I'm pretty sure I've heard your name about five times more frequently than I've heard my wonderful step-brother's. She's really upset."

Puck glowers. "Yeah, well so am I."

Kurt stares at Puck for what feels like forever, tapping his upper lip with his index finger the whole time. Puck hates feeling scrutinized so he starts eating his second doughnut as he turns on the television.

"She turns to you because she can trust you, Puck. She always has. Ever since our sophomore year, when you apologized to her for the whole slushy thing, she's trusted you." Kurt shakes a head. "Not a lot of people have told her that they're sorry for the crap they've put her through."

"I meant it," Puck says simply.

"I know. And  _she_ knows, which is why she comes to you. She feels like she has a confidant in you. She missed you when you left Glee club, you know. She never really understood. I still don't think she does even now. She's so blinded by Finn that she can't see how you feel about her – how you've always felt about her."

"She doesn't need to figure that out." Puck stares down at his half-eaten doughnut before blowing out a breath. "It's just better if we're not around each other, Kurt. I can't deal with the whole Finn thing anymore. That fucking douche doesn't deserve her." Puck lifts his head, glancing at Kurt. "I know he's your brother so I'm sorry if what I say pisses you off but I can't help it."

Kurt waves his hand at Puck. "No, no. You know I've never been a huge supporter of their relationship. They've never really made sense to me. Finn doesn't get what makes her tick and she's so focused on making sure she has her very own Prince Charming that she forgot to realize that she's trying to turn the  _wrong_ guy into her perfect man…but she needs you, Puck."

"I can't do it, Kurt." Puck finishes off his doughnut and then pushes himself until he's standing. He drops his hands to his hips and stares at the TV without even really watching it for the longest time as he tries to figure out what he wants to say. When he finally starts talking, he hesitates at first. "I…I can't be around her. Things feel so fucking natural with her that when we're together, I forget that she's not mine. She makes me happy… and then she starts going on and on about Finn and I'm reminded for, like, the ten thousandth time that I'm not good enough for her. I've had enough people in my life think I'm worthless and good for nothing and maybe it makes me a pussy, but it fucking  _hurts_ that she feels that way, too."

"She doesn't feel that way."

"She does, though. If she didn't, she'd stop going back to him and realize that if she wants a guy who'll treat her like an equal, he's been right in front of the whole fucking time."

"You could tell her that, you know," Kurt offers.

"No," Puck fires back, "no fucking way. I'm not getting in the middle of their bullshit."

"What if she broke up with him for good?"

Puck lets out a sad snort. "They're never done for good, Kurt. Ever."

Kurt doesn't say anything after that. Instead, he helps himself to a doughnut and insists that they watch reruns of the Kardashians on E! Puck assumes that the subject of Rachel is closed.

…

Puck's life returns to a comfortable monotony over the next few weeks. He finally meets the residency requirement so that he can actually afford to go to school and signs up for some summer classes at City College that start in June. He grabs coffee with Kurt a few times but it's really uncomfortable because Kurt keeps trying to bring Rachel up. As soon as he says her name, though, Puck shuts him down. He doesn't want to hear any of it.

He spends those few weeks putting Rachel out of his mind. She's always there, right on the periphery. He thinks about her right before he falls asleep and she's usually the first thing that pops into his head when he wakes up (right after he thinks, "I gotta piss", that is.) He doesn't delete her number out of his phone, even though he tries to several times. He just can't make himself press that final button to remove her from his life again. He did it once before and he knows how much it sucks.

This time, though, he doesn't have to see her every day like he did when he was still at McKinley. Even though she's really just a few miles away, she's one of millions and that makes it easier on her. But it doesn't make him stop missing her or hating Finn or wishing that things were different. She's always going to be the girl that meant more than any other, even if she never knows it.

…

Everything changes once he starts school. Commuting on the subway every day is a total bitch and he has to cut his hours at the diner but the student loans supplement his income so he's not hurting too much. Campus is really awesome, the chicks are hot, and, as usual, they're drawn to the Puckerone. He lines up a few dates (and by "dates" he means dinner and then some head or, if he's really lucky, a quick fuck.) After a few weeks like that, he starts to feel somewhat normal again. Kurt doesn't call him much anymore and he misses the guy but honestly, it's easier. He can't really be friends with anybody from home because everybody reminds him of what he can't have.

June and July fly by and then it's nearly August. It's been months since he's seen or heard from Rachel and, other than right before he closes his eyes at night, he hardly thinks of her anymore. He hopes that she and Finn have worked their shit out because he hates when she's miserable. He doesn't wish anything bad for her, no matter how angry and frustrated she makes him. (Finn, though, is a different story. He wishes crabs or an ulcer or maybe a serious case of anal warts on that guy. Seriously, fuck him.)

…

August 2nd is a Friday and Puck's off from school because the summer session is over and the fall one hasn't started yet. He doesn't have to be at the diner until late that afternoon so he spends the morning catching up on his laundry, cleaning the apartment, and doing all the other stuff he's been neglecting for a few weeks. Around lunchtime, he calls in a delivery order for sweet and sour pork and crab rangoons from the Chinese place around the corner. When there's a knock at the door twenty minutes later, he doesn't think much about it.

He's digging into his wallet when he opens the door so he doesn't realize it's not the delivery guy standing there at first. When he finally digs a $20 out of his wallet and looks up, he freezes. Rachel is standing there in a little blue sundress, espadrilles on her feet, and sunglasses pushed up high onto her head. They stare at each other for so long that the delivery guy finally  _does_ walk up. Puck shoves the money at him, waves away the change (dude just got a fucking six dollar tip), and shoves the bag under his arm as he continues to stare at Rachel. Finally, when he realizes that he's acting like a moron, he motions for her to come in. She follows him inside, pushing the door closed behind him and securing the chain on the door.

He shoves the Chinese into the fridge because he'll obviously have to eat it later and then turns to look at her. "Didn't expect to see you again."

Rachel smiles a sad smile, bobbing her head. "I know. It's been months but I wanted to give you some space and I… I needed some time."

"So why're you here now?" He doesn't mean to sound rude but he does anyway.

"Because I've realized some things and I couldn't let another day go by without talking to you. Or apologizing, really."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Rachel."

She steps closer to him, placing her hand on his forearm. The look she gives him is imploring. "There's a lot I need to apologize for, Noah. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with some of it but… but I'd really appreciate it if you'd hear me out."

Puck nods, motioning for her to sit down. She's very careful to tuck her skirt properly beneath her thighs and cross her legs at the ankle. He always finds the way she's so prim and neat to hilarious and he cracks a smile. She seems to find relief in his grin because she smiles back. "I missed you, Noah. I've missed you so much but you said some things that angered me…until I started thinking about them. And as it turns out, you were right."

Puck snorts but doesn't respond.

"Things with Finn were…" Rachel's brows lift toward her hairline as she searches for the right word. "They were toxic, really. We were in this terrible cycle where we needed to be together but we didn't mesh but we couldn't be apart even though we didn't make much sense."

Puck hesitates but finally asks, "And now?"

"We've been split up for over two months now. Once he said he wasn't moving here, I knew we were over. I just had to accept it and once I finally did, ending the relationship wasn't that hard."

"I would tell you that I'm sorry… 'cept I'm not."

Rachel shakes her head, waving her hand dismissively. "I don't expect you to be." She sighs. "Actually, I'd be upset if you said you were." Her eyes meet his and the look in them – like she's actually  _seeing_ him for the first time – gives him hope. She swallows and takes a breath, like she's trying to steel herself, before she says, "When you told me you didn't want to be friends anymore, you told me that if I really thought about why you were doing it, I'd understand. I—I think I finally do."

Puck gulps, terrified that she's going to rip his heart out of his chest with her next words.

Her voice drops and she looks away when she asks, "Do you still feel that way about me, Noah? And if you don't, do you think you could again? I mean, if we saw a lot of each other and spent time together?" She looks like she's reaching deep within herself for strength but her shoulders lift and she meets his gaze head-on. "Because I want you to feel that way about me. I  _want_ you to be the one I turn to for everything – and not because you're my friend and because you're always there for me but… but because you love me."

Puck's stomach is now hurting and he feels like someone's squeezing his lungs but he's  _got_ to ask this question so he does. "D'you want me to love you?"

Rachel bobs her head, her eyes suddenly watery. "I do, actually. I think it would be pretty incredible if you did. And if you'd let me love you back."

She stares at him like she's waiting for him to give her a yes or no answer but he can't seem to remember how to talk. The air between them crackles as they gaze at each other and then he moves. He's standing in front of her and then he's on his knees, her head in his hands. He locks eyes with her and he knows that the look on his face reveals everything about how he feels – fear, love, hope. When she nods her head and reaches for him, he groans and then slips his hands into her hair so that he can kiss her. He hasn't kissed her in years but from the second their lips touch, it all comes back to him. The way she lets out this little throaty moan that makes him hard. The way she nips at his lower lip possessively. The way she clings to him. It all comes rushing back to him and if he were an emotional (wimpy) guy, it'd probably make him cry.

When they part, Rachel's now completely crying but she's smiling, too. He awkwardly hands her a tissue and then sits down next to her on the loveseat. She immediately intertwines their fingers as they settle into a comfortable silence that lasts for a few seconds. There's a question on his tongue but he stops himself from asking it until he can't anymore. "So we're really doing this, huh? For real? Nothing to get in the way this time?"

Rachel nods emphatically as she climbs into his lap. She hugs him hard and then cries into his shirt. He soothes her and tells her that everything's gonna work out now because she's  _finally_  with the right guy. It just makes her cry harder until he pushes his mouth against hers to shut her up. She laughs against his lips but then she kisses him back.

He calls in sick to work that day.

~end~

 


End file.
